Sunday, November 28, 2010

Legalizing Marijuana

Before I begin this post, I want to be very clear about this so that there is no confusion whatsoever.

Despite popular belief, I have never smoked marijuana or done any drugs of any kind.  EVER.

However, just because I have no desire to try it doesn't mean I think it should be illegal.  I love stoner culture.  Their snack food is amazing!  Cheetos, Mozzarella Sticks, Captain Crunch, Pudding Cups, Cupcakes, and pretty much anything delicious is "stoner food."  Stoner music is unique and fun to listen to and I think stoner comedies are hilarious because I sort of have a childish sense of humor.  (Fart jokes.)

But, "Radioactive Cheese" is a classy blog for the educated masses...so let's take an economical approach when determining whether or not pot should be legal.


As a recent college graduate, I know first hand just how stiff the competition is for landing a good job.  However, if pot was legalized there would be fewer college graduates and fewer people out competing for jobs and trying to better themselves.  If getting high, and then sitting on the couch, eating snacks and listening to funky tunes all day is what makes someone happy, it is not my place to condemn them.  If someone wants to live this way, nobody should have the right to stop them.  (We are supposed to be a free country, right?)

Plus it's just a really good way of weeding out the competition.  (Bad pun for the day!)

But don't worry, kids!  There are more upsides to legalizing pot!


Stoners are predictable, and if we get enough of them, that will make the stock market predictable too!  Whatever is featured in stoner comedies becomes instantly synonymous with real-life stoner culture.

Has going to "White Castle" felt different since "Harold and Kumar go to White Castle" was released?  Can you place funions on your grocery list and not make a ridiculous stoner-laugh?  Does standing in front of a gas station make you want to steal a monkey and make pop culture references?

Instead of bailing out American motor companies, we should have made "Harold and Kumar buy a Chevy" and watched as every stoner in the world sold their hemp-shoes to go buy Chevy's.


The amount of money we spend arresting, prosecuting and imprisoning people due to marijuana is ridiculous.  We could be spending that money and time on so many better things.

Stoners are harmless, stupid, but harmless...particularly compared to alcohol (which is totally legal).  We all have heard of Violent Drunks, but I have yet to even hear about a violent stoner.  They nap and fart and giggle...that's it. 

Just because they don't do much of anything doesn't mean they can't be of some good to society though.  Laid back and happy people are great additions to any community, being around them makes other people feel good.

Example!
Stoner - "Heeeeeey man would you like to listen to Bob Marley and help me make Captain Crunch Bars?"
Me - "Heck yes I would!  I got some frosting to smother on them too if you want."
Stoner - "Righteous!"
Me - "Tee-hee you just said "righteous."


Sure we might have more traffic violations due to stoned people being behind the wheel, and there are negative sides to having marijuana legal.  However, the people that would use it to the point where it inhibits their ability to function in society are likely already abusing some other substance.  Personally I would rather hang with a stoner than an alcoholic just because when they "get their fix" the alcoholic gives me a black eye and the stoner gives me a cookie and a guitar solo.

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Matt
I got my English degree and mountain of student loan debt from the University of Iowa. I like boo berry cereal, martial arts, running and cats.
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