Sunday, March 13, 2011

I've Been A Bad Blogger

Over a month with no updates!?!  Blasphemy!  

I would say that I've been busy drawing fantastic cartoons for you all to enjoy, but that would be a dirty lieA very dirty lie!

But fear not, kids!  Captain Matt is green and not just because he is Irish and it is almost St. Patrick's Day either.  I'm going to recycle the comics I posted on Facebook as I made them for the newspaper, so if you read them already...well, you're just going to have to read them again.  (Along with my babbling.)

In retrospect, this comic is kind of crap.  Deal with it.

I freaking hate deer now.  I normally don't hold grudges, but ever since a deer destroyed my car I have wanted revenge.

Cold blooded revenge.

I was walking to the PAC (Pinedale Aquatic Center) to go running, and there was a group of deer just chilling out by the high school and I wanted nothing more than to roundhouse kick them in the face.  I was seriously debating whether or not to do it, I mean after all, they did try to kill me earlier this year.  I was going over what the fines would be for killing a deer without a hunting license and wondering whether or not hunting meant using a gun or bow.

Is it legal to kill a deer using martial arts?  Is it legal to do so on school grounds?

I didn't know for sure, and not wanting to get in trouble with the law, I let the deer live...for now.

I've never had any desire to go hunting, but recent events have lead me to want to do it very badly.  Besides, I deserve my revenge.

This next comic is more of an inside joke for those living in Pinedale, but if you are from a small town you will know what I'm talking about.

Traffic lights change things.

Roughly 7,000 vehicles pass through Pinedale and there is no traffic light.  Left hand turns are impossible and crossing the street would be deadly if the people here weren't nice enough to stop and let pedestrians cross.

As a runner and gas-saving-enthusiast, I appreciate this...but I still think a traffic light would benefit the town.  It would at least get people to stop and see what few shops and awesome restaurants are here anyway.

This next comic is an introduction of our new reporter, Sam. Unfortunately when drawn in my minimalistic style, Sam and Jacie look very similar.

As much as I love cats, I'm also a very big dog person as well.  Typically I don't count anything smaller than a beagle to be a "real dog," but Georgie is an exception.  She demands it.

Since Sam actually works at the same newspaper as me and I hang out with her fairly frequently, she will be in a lot of upcoming comic strips.

As an ex-fast food employee, I try to avoid those restaurants because I know they are dirty and their food is horrible for me.

As a junk food enthusiast and notorious sugar fiend, I ignore these facts.

There's no fast food in Pinedale.  The closest McDonald's is in Jackson, along with the closest anything.  There's no Wal-Mart either.  My inner economic-hippy is thrilled since I really enjoy the Main Street vibe and buying local...however, my Irish pride and forbidden love affair with bad food gets the better of me when it comes to Shamrock Shakes.

Eff fine dining, I want some soft serve ice cream blended with artificial green mint goo served in a paper cup by a greasy and angry teenager.  Aaaah yeeee!

My yellow truck (Uma) is a lemon and this is irony that I do not appreciate.

I spent $7,000 for this 1999 4x4 Dodge Ram 1500, $1300 for an extended warranty, $460 on tax/title/license, $380 on steering repairs and $680 on new gaskets (neither were covered by my extended warranty, those stingy jerks).  The cherry on top of my sundae of debt is that my new clothes dryer cost $380 and it didn't work nor would the store take it back or exchange it...luckily Whirlpool is providing free repairs.

The dealership I worked with on buying and repairing this truck twice admitted to knowing there were problems with it when the sold it to me.  I am one repair away from qualifying to file a lawsuit under the Lemon Law.  I was going to run this comic in the newspaper, but decided against it since my room-mate/friend does sales for the other paper and the sales rep for my paper has enough problems selling with them as it is and I didn't want to create any bad vibes for either of them.  Plus I may need to work with this dealership again anyway.

My ego was so shot by all of this that I went out and spent $120 on a new cowboy hat.  My old one smelled like campfires and was getting kind of everyone gives me beef for always wearing my Iowa baseball hat despite living in Wyoming and reporting on agricultural/environmental news.

Cultural adaptation happens.  (Fun side note, it's a total chick magnet...I hope [girlfriend] doesn't mind.  Everyone knows I'm taken anyway, it's just ego-boosting to be asked to dance by multiple girls in the same night.)

I'm a shallow person sometimes.

Suffice it to say, college food is back on the menu and my trips around the world to visit friends are postponed until further notice.  (That was why I bought such a cheap truck in the first place.)

This is the replacement comic that I made when paranoia sunk in and I decided to pull a Ghandi.  "An eye for an eye and the whole world is blind."  In my case, "The reporter who reports on being shafted by the car dealer gets no road-side assistance."

My only problem at work is my running addiction.  Actually, this is the only problem in my life.  I can't miss a day of running, otherwise I get irritable and easily distracted by everything.

If you haven't figured it out by now, I have ADHD and I refuse medication for it.  I don't believe that taking a pill to be "normal" is a natural thing to do.  I also don't believe that I am abnormally fast and easily distracted.  Instead I believe that everyone else is abnormally slow and that some things just aren't that interesting.

ADHD medication is an amphetamine, it releases chemicals into your brain that otherwise would be out of wack.  Running also releases chemicals, but does so naturally and while improving my overall health.  This is one of the many reasons I have to run every day, it keeps me sane.

Plus, given how insane life can be, a little sanity is necessary; and in my case that comes in the form of running shoes and an ipod.

About Me

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I got my English degree and mountain of student loan debt from the University of Iowa. I like boo berry cereal, martial arts, running and cats.
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Matt Naber wrote these words and made these drawings. Powered by Blogger.